Thursday, April 12, 2012

Distinction among knowledge-acquaintance-friendship and intimacy

90% of people we meet in our life will not be fit to be our friends.

Vice versa will also apply. That means, we may not be fit to be a friend of the persons we meet in our life.

These persons, whom we meet, may be called acquaintances. We can find four levels of our interactions with people.

1. Simple Knowledge only: We know the persons very superficially. Our encounter and meeting with them may be on some purpose as business. They are like co-travellers on a short journey.

2.Acquaintance: This is level 2, a promotion from superficial knowledge. We know some of the qualities of the person, because we have already undertaken a few transactions (not necessarily money) with them and by and large they are satisfactory. Yet these experiences are not sufficient for friendship.

Some quotes/usages of the word acquaintance:
"I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances."

"Our admiration of a famous man lessens upon our nearer acquaintance with him. --Addison."



3.Friendship: Acquaintance over several years, and several transactions (not necessarily money) may lead to true friendship. We know the true strengths and weaknesses of our friends and learn to adore their strengths and start ignoring their weaknesses. Intimacy will start to develop.

"It is in our power to confine our friendships and intimacies to men of virtue. -- Rogers.

4. Intimacy : Friendship may mature into intimacy. We start exchanging secrets. No privacy between the intimates. Intimacy need not necessarily be sexual.

A couple can be just knowers. Can just be acquaintances. Can just be friends. Can be true intimates. Depends on the interpersonal relationship level which marriage takes them to.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Friendship - love - lust - Part 1

I am not writing this in a preaching mood; because I am not a religious preacher. Nor, am I writing this in an atheist sceptic mode, though I am an atheist.

I am writing from my own observations from the experiences of persons around, in this society.


There is a need to distinguish between lust, love and friendship. Lust is a part of our instinct. Just as we have hunger, need for sleep, we have sex, as a physical need. Through whom, the need gets satisfied, it is difficult to define, because satisfaction is abstract. (Economist- Marshall and his associates thought that utility and satisfaction are measurable).



Monday, May 23, 2011

Friendships should have intrinsic value

People coming together for various purposes, start thinking that they have been friends since time immemorial or through and through past births.

Examples:
Athlets at a sports meet.
Buyers of similar goods at super-markets.
Colleagues at a workplace.
Diners in the same restaurant.
Fans of same film hero/heroine.
Garbage collectors at the nearby bins.

Hardliners of same line of thinking in a political party.
Idlers visiting the same cafeteria.
Joggers on the same road or track.
Kneelers before the same Godman/Preacher.
Lovers of same fine art such as music.
Mourners of same dead person or persons who have died in the same accident.
Nannies of neighboring households.
Occupants of the same foot-path.
Patients undergoing treatment on adjacent beds and their relatives.
Quaffers of the same brand of whisky at the same bar.
Reporters covering the same event.
Students of same class / college.
Travellers on a pilgrimage.
Unemployed persons visiting the same Employment Bureau/Exchange.
Visitors to the same brothel /gambling den .
Writers with the same publishers.
Youngsters seeking admission in the same school / college / University.

All these coming-togethers are just starters for a friendship. Sharing the same bed or plate may not sometimes lead to formation of true friendship.

Friendships have to undergo a series of severe tests from both sides.

Can we, therefore, use the word 'friend' casually or lightly?

Sunday, November 04, 2007

FRIENDSHIP OF CONVENIENCE

QUOTE FROM SHRI KAMAL HASSAN, FILM HERO, ABOUT HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH SHRI RAJNIKANTH, FILM HERO.

"We are friends. However, we do compete because it is business. But we are clear about being friends. As a matter of fact, we are also planning to make a film which I will produce. He will act in it."


INTERPRETATIONS, OBSERVATIONS, DEDUCTIONS
In many respects, cine heroes are practical people. They know their business. They clearly know what they want and how to get it.

Monday, October 22, 2007

FRIENDS AS BUSINESS PARTNERS

Very often we come across friends starting businesses, forming partnership firms. Some of them develop into great businesses and some die soon. Reasons for prosperity as well as failure are numerous.

Here is a beautiful article by Shri Jeff Cornwall, Director, Belmont University Center for Enterpreneurship.

http://forum.belmont.edu/cornwall/archives/002329.html

In addition to the guidelines given by Mr. Jeff Cornwall, I wish to add the following precautions:

1. Better to start businesses only with longstanding tested friends, say of more than five years relationship. Care should be taken while entering into partnerships with class mates/school mates/college mates who shifted to other places for some years and have come back in a new incarnation. They might have acquired new habits, beliefs, ethics and work methods. We have to again spend one or two years with them studying their habits.

2. Better to reproduce every term and condition into writing. Oral agreements can create disputes and misunderstandings which paralise businesses.

3. Better not to finalise business proposals in bars, while drunk.

4. Better to have at least two independent persons as observers/witnesses while finalising the partneships. Their help can be taken when disputes arise.

5. Must always be kept in mindPartnership laws in most countries stipulate unlimited liabilities for partners. That means personal assets can be attached by creditors for satisfying partnership debts. This liability will not be proportionate to the ratio of sharing of profits and losses. That means even if a person has 1% share in profits, he may be called on to pay 100% liabilities of the firm, from his personal assets.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

IDEAL FRIENDSHIP OF MARKS AND ENGELS

Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels the authors of the Communist Manifesto, were good friends.

Though somewhat a cliche owing to overuse in English, the proverb, "A friend in need is a friend indeed", literally holds good in the friendship of Marx and Angels.

Here is a link to their abridged biography:
http://www.marxists.org/archive/riazanov/works/1927-ma/ch09.htm

There are some adverse reports about the friendship of Marx and Angeles on the inter-net. This area needs greater analysis and search.

David Riazanov's
KARL MARX and FREDERICK ENGELS
An Introduction to Their Lives and Work


I quote from it:

"...He (Engels) had also been aiding Marx for whom the first years of the International were again years of bitter poverty. Were it not for the help he obtained from Engels and the small inheritance which was left to him by his old friend, Wilhelm Wolff, to whom he had dedicated his Capital, Marx would hardly have been able to overcome penury and he surely would have had no time to prepare his monumental work for publication. ... "


INTERPRETATION, DEDUCTIONS

Not that ALL friends can financially aid their friends each and everytime there was penury or crises, even an occasional helping hand will be of considerable relief. Hence, I view Engels as humane and noble, notwithstanding his other traits.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Friendship quotes from Sanskrit langauge

SANSKRIT PROVERBS WITH ENGLISH TRANSLATION

































CHAPTER 1: SANSKRIT SAYINGS ON FRIENDSHIP
SANSKRIT VERSEENGLISH
Ati Sneehaha Paapa S`amkii. (From Abhignana Sakuntalam)Friendship beyond limits should be ominous of some guilt to take place ahead.
aheetuhu pakshapaatoo yas tasya naasti pratikriya (From: Uttara Rama Caritra)A friendship which starts without specific purpose will not get broken. (This is because in a motivated friendship, one of the parties will lose interest if the desired result is not received).
Upakaara phalam mitram, apakaaroo ari lakshan`am. (Valmiki Ramayanam - Kishkindha Kanda 8-21)The character of a friend is to do good. The character of an enemy is to harm.
Tanmitram yatra vis`vaasaha. (From Mahabharata Shanti Parva 318-21-13)A friend is a friend only when he is faithful and truthful.
Tanmitram yan niramtaram vyasanee. (From Gatha Sapta Sati3-61)A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Na rutee Sraantasya sakhyaaya Deevaaha. (From Rugveda)Gods will not befriend a lazy person.
Na kimchid api kurvaan`aha saukhyeer duhkhaapi apoomati. (From Uttara Raama Caritra 6-5). Even without doing anything, a friend can give comfort and eliminate misery.
Narasya s`ooka dagdhasya suhrud dars`anam aushadham. (From Maha Bharata).The medicine for a person consumed by misery, is 'seeing a friend'.
Na sa sakhaa yoo na dadaati sakhyee. (From Rigveda 10-17-4).A friend who does not give/help his friend is not a friend.
Na hi vicalatii maitrii duuratoo api sthitaanam.Distance does not dissolve true friendships.
Praan`a parityaageena api rakshan`iiyaa suhrudasavaha. [From Kadambari (Kaadambari) of Bana (Baan`a)]Even by sacrificing own life, a friend should protecthis friend's life.
Bahu mitra karaha sukham vasatee (From Mahabharata Aranya Parva)A friend who has a large number of allies lives comfortably.
Mamdaayamtee na khalu suhrudaam abhyupeetaartha krutyaaha.(From Megha Sandesa (Meegha Samdees`am of Kalidasa 1-42)Friend accepting a request of his friend does not delay fulfilling his promise.
Mitra laabham anulaabha sampadaha. (From Kiratarjuniyam of Bharavi).Getting a friend is more beneficial than getting wealth.
Mitrasya cakshushaam samiikshaam ahe. (From Yajurveda)Let friends view each other amicably.
Mitreen`a sahaa yoo bhumktee tatoo naastiiha pun`yavaan.There can be a no virtuous person than a friend who dines with his friend.
Yasyacceed uttamaam maitriim kuryaan artha abhilaashakam. (From Sukra Niiti Saaram 3-201).If you want to develop good friendship with a person, do not deal with him financially.
Vibhaavayati bhuutiinam phalam suhrudanugrahaha.The fruit of riches is to show grace and generosity to good friends.
Vaidyee, Mitree Niramtaraa kathaa.There will be no end to conversations with friends and physicians.
S`ivaa saha sakhyaa samtuhu. (From Rigveda 4-10-8).Let our friendshipbe auspicious.
Samgachchadhvam Samvadadhvan sam voo manaamsi jaanataam.(From Rugveeda 10-191-2).Oh friends! Walk together. Talk together. Understand the hearts/ minds of each other with love.
Sambamdham aabhaashan`a puurvamaahu. (From Raghuvamsam 2-58).Conversation precedes Friendship.
Sakhaayoo anu sambadhvam. (From Rugveeda 10-103-6)Friends! Work together.
Sakhaa Sakhinoo variiyaha krun`ootu. (From Atharvan`a Veda7-51-1)A friend should do good to his friends.
Sakhaa Sakhiiram Umcan niravadyaat. (Rugveeda 3-31-8)A friend should always try to prevent friends from commiting mistakes and sins.
Sajjanaanaam sneeham na calati, duura sthitaanaam api. (From Gaathaa Sapta S`ati).Friendship of virtuous persons does not get disturbed, even when they are separated by distance.
Sati Mitree dhanaadhiis`ee carma praavarakoo haraha.Though having Kubera (Rich God ruling the direction of North) as a friend, Lord Parames`vara (the Supreme God) has to wear skins as garments.
Sarvathaa sukaram mitram, dushkaram pratipaalanam. (From Valmiki Ramayana Kishkimdha kanda)It is easy to get friends. It is difficult to continue and maintain them.
kshiireshaatmagatodakaaya hi gushaa dattam puraa te'khilaa
kshiirottaapam avekshya tena payasam svaatmam krus`aanau hutah
gantuh paavakam unmanas tad abhavad drusht`vaa tu mitraapadh
yukt teena jaleena s`aamyati sataha maitrii punastviidrus`ii. (From Bhartrihari's Niti Satakam)
Friendship between Milk and water
1. Milk lends its good qualities to water, when water is added to it.
2. Water jumps into fire, when it finds the milk boiling and in danger.
3. Milk also jumps into fire, unable to bear the danger to its friend (water).
4. Both enjoy peace, when milk and water live together.
aarambha gurvii kshayieeii kramesha
laghvii puraa vruddhimatii ca pas`caat
dinasya puurvaardha paraardha bhinnaa
chaayeva maitrii khala saj janaanaam

The poet discusses two types of friendship. 1. Friendship between two good persons. 2. “ between two rascals.
Friendship between two good persons starts on a small scale like a shadow in the midday which is very short and stretches to full length by dusk.
Friendship between two bad persons (or one good person and another bad person) starts ostentatiously and fails at the end, like a shadow in the morning which is very long and becomes negligible by midday.